I was only nine years old when I fell into depression, something I’ve struggled with my whole life. I had become a Christian when I was 5 and although I thought I fully understood what it meant I didn’t even come close to understanding God’s amazing love and kindness. So, God became like my glass doll on a high shelf never played with.
It was in the middle of one of my deepest moments of sorrow that I remembered something that I had heard about, but I had never whole-heartedly tried for myself. Prayer. I said a quick little prayer and simply continued to do my best to push through another cold day of sadness. I then began to think about how Jesus must have felt to be nailed onto a cross and for his very own friends to yell out for it to be done. I started to feel that emotion in a very real way.
Through that concept God gave me the lyrics to the first song I ever wrote. I’m not going to claim that it is well-written or the type of song that would intrigue or wow you, but it brought me indescribable peace and joy to have a song that was for me. I could simply pour my aching heart out onto the page and feel God telling me that this is only a season and to embrace the peace that comes though this gift from Him.
I never would have picked this to be my gift. I didn’t like to write, it was just too hard! The letters jump, change sizes, seem to hide and once I think I’ve written a something correctly I realize it’s spelt wrong or back wards. I wondered for a long time why writing song? Why not sports or something dyslexia doesn’t fully control? I can now see that this is to push me out of my comfort zone and to make me remember that God controls everything, NOT dyslexia.
Since that day in 2008 I have been writing songs. In the deepest, darkest moments I always know that I have some where to turn for help. I can pray and open one of my green note books. Unendingly God gives a song to calm me. Song writing has been my saving grace and almost a hiding place from the challenges to big for me. It may sound crazy, but when I have my note-book it feels like I can face anything because I know that no matter how bad life gets I know God will come through with a word of peace and hope. Part 2 is coming soon…:)